<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>The world is a harsh place (but I promise I'll be gentle) by playitagain</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24868477">The world is a harsh place (but I promise I'll be gentle)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/playitagain/pseuds/playitagain'>playitagain</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Outer Banks (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>5+1, Established Relationship, M/M, Mentioned of child abuse, PTSD, These boys are so in love</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 09:27:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,597</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24868477</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/playitagain/pseuds/playitagain</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>JJ is still working through his trauma and sometimes he flinches when Pope reaches for him suddenly.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>JJ/Pope (Outer Banks)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>156</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The world is a harsh place (but I promise I'll be gentle)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>It's been a while, but here we go. I hope you enjoy.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Pope is not a touchy-feely kind of person. He isn’t usually the one to go in for a hug, place a hand on a shoulder or sling an arm across them. It didn’t mean he never did it. He remembers hugging JJ so tightly last summer during midsummers, just after he took the fall. He remembers the warm feeling, but he also remembers how startled JJ was, his words still echo in Pope’s head a year later. It’s why he doesn’t go in first, initiate the touching as much as he might want, because he wants too, but he’s worried he’ll startle JJ again. </p>
<p>They’re out on the boat though. Kie is standing at the front, wind blowing through her hair and smile on her lips. She has a pair of sunglasses on, heart shaped and rainbow. John B is behind the steering wheel, Sarah’s arm around his waist. There are vague memories of Sarah doing that same thing to Topper last summer, but Pope can spot the difference, spot the feeling and connection between John B and Sarah where he couldn’t with Sarah and Topper. JJ is lying across the bench, smoke trailing from his lips as he takes another hit. He has his head in Pope’s lap, eyes closed and satisfied. </p>
<p>“What’s happening with the gold?” JJ asks, shifting so he’s on his side now. He discards the joint in his hand, reaching forward to grab a beer from the cooler. Pope opens it for him. </p>
<p>It’s a year later and the gold is finally in their sights. John B had returned from the Bahamas, cleared of murder charges with a pile of gold behind him. They had explained the situation. It was hard to just deposit 400mil of gold without raising a few eyebrows. That didn’t even include the fact that they had come back to a town who thought they were dead. The whole situation was unimaginable and here they were living it. Pope still found himself processing sometimes, trying to work through everything that’s led up to this moment, with John B and Sarah finally home, with their family. </p>
<p>“It’s pretty much wrapped up. We should have access to it in a few weeks,” John B answers and Pope can see the pride in his eyes. He did this treasure hunt for his father, to be closer to him, and he actually managed to find it after his own father searched for years. It helped that they were all coming out with more money than they could ever imagine too. </p>
<p>“Fuck, I can’t wait to go full kook,” JJ groans, taking a long sip before flopping into his back again, blue eyes searching until they meet Pope’s dark one. “Plus, if I get my own place, we can have sex whenever.” Pope’s eyes widen at the words, pink dusting his cheeks as their friends snicker around them. JJ goes on, pushing himself up so he’s leaning against Pope. “He’s still so shy about it.”</p>
<p>JJ was right about the whole sex thing, but he didn’t have to announce it to the whole group. The other was still living at his house and there were very strick rules, which included no sex in the house, which also met they couldn’t close the doors. It was a little annoying, but Pope is just thankful his parents were accepting of the relationship and they let JJ stay, safe and sound away from his father. He hadn’t been so sure in the beginning. </p>
<p>“You did decide to date JJ, dude,” John B laughs and Pope simply rolls his eyes at the group. He would let them have their laugh for now, because JJ is right next to him, warm and laughing with their friends. He hasn’t been this happy in a while, a John B size hole carved into his heart. They had little to no contact with the other while he was in the Bahamas because they didn’t want to raise suspicion and Pope knows it affected JJ more than he’d like to admit. “Seriously though, he’s gotten some restraint since we left. I used to know every time he had sex with someone in much more detail than I liked.” </p>
<p>John B doesn’t mean to bring it up. The words slip out of his mouth, natural and easy conversation, but the group quiets down at the mention of John B being away. It’s still a sore subject and sometimes John B brings it up more casually than the three of them are ready for. The other has processed the whole thing better than them, faster. There was different trauma there for him too. He hadn’t thought his best friend was dead for weeks before he called. </p>
<p>The tension in the air is thick and JJ shifts against him, moving to play with the rings on his fingers. He’s the first one to break the silence, a cough leaving his lips. “What about a swim?” JJ suggests and the group all agrees. </p>
<p>Though JJ was the first to suggest it, he waits for the others to hop in the water first. Pope stays beside him, trying to scan JJ’s face for any sign that would indicate what he was feeling. JJ doesn’t say anything though, simply shakes his head as he gets up, tossing his shirt to the side somewhere. </p>
<p>Pope reaches out before he can think about, hand moving to wrap around JJ’s wrist. It’s like watching in slow motion. The way that JJ instantly pulls away from him, holding his wrist like Pope just burned it. Pope can hear his breath pick up, ragged and completely out of rhythm as he seems to fold in on himself. Pope knows better than to just reach out without warning. He knows he can’t sneak up on the other. Years of abuse have caused him to be sensitive to sudden movements and touch. </p>
<p>“JJ-“</p>
<p>JJ shakes his head, a small nervous laugh leaving his lips. The reaction is gone only moments later as JJ turns to him, reaching forward to grab Pope’s hand. “Come on, I want to swim.”</p>
<p>Pope gets up, but doesn’t budge. “Are you okay?” And JJ simply rolls his eyes at the question, like it is so stupid and Pope knows it annoys the hell out of him, but he just needs to check in sometimes. </p>
<p>“I just want to go for a swim.” Pope doesn’t push. He simply nods in agreement. He knows JJ will tell him on his own time. The other often needed a bit of time to process before he opened up and Pope could easily give that to him. </p>
<p>Pope doesn’t expect the kiss. JJ leans forward and it’s just a peck, but it tells Pope everything that he needs to know. It tells him that JJ appreciates it. It tells him that he didn’t mean to flinch when Pope reached out for him. It tells him that they will talk later in the privacy of Pope’s room and the warmth of his sheets. </p>
<p>JJ doesn’t linger after that, nearly slips as he gets a running head start off the front of the boat. Pope is quick to follow after him, laugh leaving his lips as the three of them try to dunk John B. When he surfaces for fresh air, he finds JJ in front of him, a mischievous smile on his lips before he is under water again. </p>
<p>—————————</p>
<p>Pope isn’t having a good day. He can’t seem to find his balance and he knows it’s because he can’t stop thinking about college applications, even when he finds himself riding a perfect wave. It just seems to leave him in the water more often than not, body aching from the impact. </p>
<p>He sighs as he surfaces again, frown on his lips as he crosses his hands on the board, chin resting in his arms. He stays there a while, watching JJ and John B ride a few waves before JJ seems to notice him off to the side and paddles over. </p>
<p>“What’s up, man? You seem off today,” JJ comments, a leg on each side of his board as he leans forward. Pope turns his attention to him, giving himself a kick up so he can sit on his board. It’s easier to talk that way. </p>
<p>“Just thinking about college applications,” Pope shrugs. The other is frowning at him, and Pope watches as he pats his board, indicating for Pope to climb on. Pope assesses it for a second before he shifts his weight and climbs onto JJ’s board. </p>
<p>It is one of the least graceful things he’s ever done in his life. He gets his foot caught on his board and ends up falling onto JJ’s board. He hits the other’s leg as he does so, struggling to balance them both on the board. </p>
<p>He barely notices the way JJ flinches, nearly falling backwards on the board. It causes it to tip back and forth and Pope freezes, trying to steady it. Once it’s steady, JJ is chuckling, like he didn’t just flinch away from Pope and nearly knock them over, and trying to help Pope swing his leg over the board. “Dude, you look ridiculous,” JJ laughs as Pope finally gets himself into a sitting position. He reaches down to make sure his board is still secured to his leg before he finally settles. </p>
<p>“Fuck off,” Pope complains, reaching forward to give the other a light shove. He does it slow, deliberate as his hand comes into contact with JJ’s wet sun kissed skin. The other doesn’t comment at the cautious touch, laugh leaving his lips as the board shakes a little from the change in weight before it settles again. “You weren’t much help.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t think you were that clumsy, dude. I mean, I know you’re a nerd, just didn’t realize you fit the stereotype so well,” JJ teases and Pope rolls his eyes at the other, simply letting JJ have this one. </p>
<p>The other settles down, smile on his lips as he looks at Pope. That look holds everything. Pope can’t help the way his heart pounds as he watches the other. JJ’s expression is filled with so much joy and love. It’s only been a year since the treasure hunt, a year since he got out of his father’s house and the changes are so prominent. Pope has never seen JJ so open with his happiness and it makes his heart swell. </p>
<p>Pope is pulled from his trance when the other speaks. “Ya gotta just relax a bit, man. I know you’re worried, but we will deal with it when the time comes. We have another month of summer and then we can worry about all that school shit.” And Pope knows that JJ is right. He shouldn’t be worrying yet. Pope has already started looking at applications but JJ doesn’t know that. Though, Pope has been acting a bit distracted lately so he figures JJ has figured it out. </p>
<p>“I just want to get a head start,” Pope admits. There is a lot of work that goes into applications. The gold at least took a little pressure off scholarship wise, but he still wanted to get into a good school so he could get a good job. “I have to write an essay for every one.” </p>
<p>“And they’ll be fucking amazing. You’re going to get into every school,” JJ reassures and Pope believes him because JJ has always been able to convince him of anything. Plus, JJ looks so proud of him, always has when it comes to Pope’s school and it has a smile pulling up his lips as he leans forward to press a kiss to his lips. “Plus,” JJ continues, “we’ll have the 400mil by then and you’ll be able to go wherever you want. We’ll be able to afford a fucking amazing place wherever.” </p>
<p>Pope’s breath catches at the words. JJ has never mentioned moving in with his after graduation. He’s never talked about the future, their future. Pope had always assumed JJ would come with him but actually hearing JJ say it has his heart pounding. “You want to come with me?” </p>
<p>JJ gives him this look, like he’s dumb, like it is the most obvious thing in the world. “Duh.” Pope can’t help but laugh as he surges forward, nearly knocking them off the board as he connects his lips with JJ’s. JJ is laughing into his mouth, hands on the board to steady them as Pope wraps his arms around JJ’s neck. “I guess you’re good with that,” JJ smiles as they separate, Pope looking to JJ’s blue eyes, shining with happiness. </p>
<p>“So good,” Pope smiles and it’s a little goofy, he knows, but he is so happy right now. </p>
<p>“Good, now put your board away and we can try going double on my board,” JJ says, excited. Pope nods and JJ gives him a light shove off the board. Pope surfaces, hand reaching out, careful to make sure JJ’s notices before his fingers wrap around his wrist to tug him into the water. JJ laughs on impact and they both make their way back to shore so they can leave Pope’s board behind and try surfing with both of them on JJ’s board. </p>
<p>It’s harder than it looks but JJ kisses him each time they fall and Pope finds he isn’t thinking about colleges anymore. </p>
<p>—————————</p>
<p>Pope has never been good at balancing school and friends. The pressure is even greater this year with college in sight and Pope hauls himself in his room more often than not as he studies for his ridiculous amount of AP classes. </p>
<p>JJ complains more often than not, trying to pull Pope away from his work as much as possible. Pope doesn’t let him distract him much, but JJ has always been persistent and Pope has never been able to deny him, even before their relationship took a turn that involved more kissing and groping. </p>
<p>Today is no different.</p>
<p>JJ is sitting on Pope’s bed, which has quickly become their bed. He is tossing a hacky sack up and down, homework long forgotten next to him on the bed. Pope has already denied his advances multiple times today but he knows JJ is going to try again soon. </p>
<p>“Pope,” JJ wines, only moments later. Pope frowns when the hacky sack bounces off of his shoulder and tumbles to the ground. He turns to glare at the other. “I’m hungry. I want to eat.” Pope can see the pleading look on his face and he sighs because he isn’t going to fight that look, not much longer. He’s basically done anyway, just reading ahead so he can be prepared for class. “Kie said she’d feed us tonight.”</p>
<p>Pope also can’t argue with that. Apparently, his stomach can’t either because it grumbles at the prospect of food. JJ looks at him with a triumphant look, pushing himself up into a sitting position as he smiles at him, all crooked and satisfied. Pope shoots him a smile and stands, holding his hand out for JJ to take. </p>
<p>They walk to The Wreck in relative silence, happy to simply be in each other’s company. JJ chats every once and awhile, Pope nodding along to whatever he says. The other seems happy, content and Pope can’t help it when he wants to kiss that smile on JJ’s face, wants to trails his lips down the other’s throat, press the other into the mattress. </p>
<p>“Hello, Dr. Spoke, earth to Pope.” Pope blinks, JJ’s fingers settling in his vision as he waves them in front of Pope. Pope blushes when he realizes he had just been thinking about having sex with JJ in the middle of the street. “Why the hell did you look like you wanted to jump my bones? I mean, I’m not complaining, but you’re not into having sex outside from what I understand.”</p>
<p>Pope ducks his head, hand rubbing bashfully at the back of his neck. “I just-” and Pope had been thinking about sex, but he definitely wasn’t into having sex outside or any place someone could find him, JJ had tried and Pope had shut that down pretty quickly. “I like it when you're happy.” It’s so cheesy, but so true. </p>
<p>“So, me being happy, gets you off,” JJ clarifies and Pope feels the flush on his cheeks spread down his neck and he nods shyly. It’s a little cruder than Pope would put it, but true. JJ doesn’t say anything else to that, just smiles this little knowing smile and pulls Pope into The Wreck. </p>
<p>“Yo, Kie,” JJ calls, catching her attention. She sticks her head out from the kitchen, smile on her lips as she catches sight of them. </p>
<p>“Sit anywhere you want, I’m almost off,” she tells them. Now that tourist season has died down, it allows them to hang out more often since they aren’t taking up tables for customers. JJ takes advantage of it the most, but that’s mainly because Kie always feeds them and almost never makes them pay. </p>
<p>JJ nods, but doesn’t head toward a seat. He instead heads toward the bathroom, “Gotta take a leak.” And Pope makes the craziest decision of his life. </p>
<p>The door closes behind JJ and before Pope can hear the lock, he pushes it open, slamming it shut behind him in hopes that no one saw him step inside. He’s busy trying to settle his own heart rate when he looks up at JJ’s panic stricken face. He instantly feels bad. “Shit, don’t scare me like that,” JJ brushes off, but Pope can see his chest moving up and down rapidly. Pope probably shouldn’t have done that. He’s usually more cautious with JJ. </p>
<p>“Shit, sorry,” he goes to step forward, but instead finds himself with a handful of JJ. Apparently the other has calmed himself down enough to push Pope into the door, hands settling on his hips and tongue adamant to make its way into Pope’s mouth. Pope doesn’t dwell on it, knows JJ will tell him in time and kisses back, mouth sliding open as an invitation for JJ. </p>
<p>The knock at the door startles them apart though and Kie’s voice filters through. “Fuck no. This is not happening in my family’s restaurant. Both of you, out. Now.” Pope should have known that she would see him, known she wouldn’t let them get away with this. </p>
<p>JJ sighs, head resting against Pope’s shoulder. “Damn, how the hell does she always catch us?” Because this isn’t the first time, simply the first time at a public place. She was pretty notorious for walking in on them at the Chateau and even at Pope’s house now. “Cock block!” He calls through the door and Pope’s face is completely red again at the statement. He hopes no one in the restaurant can hear their conversation. </p>
<p>“Fuck you,” she simply calls and Pope imagines that she’d be giving them the finger if she wasn’t separated by a door. “Get out.” </p>
<p>Pope doesn’t think twice. He shrugs JJ off and tugs the door open, face flush as he steps outside. Kie gives him a look, like she’s ashamed but also proud. JJ doesn’t follow, simply sticks his head out the door. “I actually have to piss.” She does give him the finger, grabbing Pope’s wrist to pull him toward the table at the opposite side of the restaurant, probably to ensure he doesn’t simply turn back around and join JJ again. </p>
<p>John B and Sarah are already there waiting, Sarah perched on JB’s lap. She waves as he sits across from them, Kie sliding into the empty seat on Sarah’s left. JJ joins them only moments later, sliding into the seat next to Pope. He reaches for Pope’s hand under the table, leaning forward to whisper something in Pope’s ear. </p>
<p>“Now that made me happy. It would make me happier if we finished where we left off when we get home,” Pope nearly chokes on his drink at the words, pink trailing down his neck in embarrassment. The table seems to notice how flustered he is and the group starts to collectively tease him. JJ simply laughs as he throws fries at his friends. </p>
<p>They do continue it at home. </p>
<p>—————————</p>
<p>Pope frowns as he looks at JJ’s face. They haven’t had much of a problem with the kooks recently, but the return of John B and Sarah has fueled Topper’s hate in a way that ends in more fights than ever before. </p>
<p>JJ was also nutritious for putting himself right in the middle of these fights. The other has always defended his friends without even missing a beat. It was often the reason JJ got into fights in the first place, unless his own father was mentioned in a baiting comment. </p>
<p>It’s easier without Rafe though. The other had landed himself in jail when John B got off for murder, taking the fall for his own father (despit the fact he actually did it) when his father had been accused months after the murder happened. That hadn’t stopped Topper from finding a replacement though, some new kook that had joined their class junior year.  </p>
<p>Topper was always cruel with his words, the bitter tone always jarring as he insults Sarah. The first time it happened, they had all been surprised. Topper had helped them escape from the island during the initial manhunt, but the group could tell he had been struggling since. They could see the turmoil in his eyes every time he showed up, but he always made sure to pack a punch, like he regretted letting Sarah go. </p>
<p>JJ never thought twice about defending Sarah. He would instantly jump on Topper, fists ready and bruises already forming on his check. Pope had been enjoying JJ’s bruiseless face, but he couldn’t always get what he wanted. </p>
<p>The fight today had ended when Sarah pulled Topper off to the side. John B had been trying to distract Kelce while Pope was being held back by the new guy. He had kicked and punched trying to get to JJ, but Topper had been hanging with a larger group today that ended with a three on five situation and somehow JJ was always the one taking on more people than he should be. </p>
<p>JJ had been trapped, each arm in a hold as Topper pummeled his face over and over against. JJ had fought for a while until Pope just saw him give up, accepting his fate. Pope had never been a good fighter, never wanted to be, but he was quick to punch the unsuspecting guy and hurry over to land his fist across Topper’s face. Sarah took the opportunity to corner him, words load and slap echoing. </p>
<p>Pope didn’t pay close attention though. He shoved the two guys off of JJ, not even thinking before he was on his knees, pulling the other into his arms. “JJ, are you okay?” He whispers. He notices the guys have backed off, the sound of sirens distant but present. Pope knows no one here called them, but someone might have heard the ruckus outside. It seems Sarah had gotten Topper to back off anyway. Pope doesn’t really care though. </p>
<p>JJ shifts so his knees are under him, full weight against Pope. “The other guys definitely look worse,” JJ comments and Pope chuckles because the comment is so JJ. </p>
<p>“He was so scared he ran away,” Pope comments and JJ laughs a little harder, cough leaving his lips at the action. Pope frowns, helping the other off the ground. He can feel the throbbing in his own cheek, the ache in his hands, but JJ is bleeding on his shirt and Pope knows he has to get him home and cleaned up. </p>
<p>The group doesn’t say anything after that, tensions high. Pope nods to them, indicating that he’s going to head home and Kie mouths take care of him to Pope before he starts walking away. He nods, like he would do anything else. </p>
<p>Pope had tried to be quiet when they got home, didn’t want to attract his parents' attention, but JJ is clearly done, leaning all of his weight into Pope as they stumble up the stairs. Luckily, Pope’s parents don’t come out of their room and it’s easy to slip out an excuse when they ask him what’s wrong through the closed door. </p>
<p>Pope cleans JJ up, gentle and kind, leaving kisses over each bruise and scrape. That act makes JJ giggle, a little loopy with sleep, and Pope can’t help but smile as he presses one last kiss to his lips when JJ points to them when he finishes up. </p>
<p>JJ falls into bed soon after, eyes closing quickly as Pope tugs off his shoes for him. Pope slips into bed next to him, taking the wall side today, and finds himself watching JJ closely. </p>
<p>Pope brushes his fingers over JJ’s face. He has to wake him up every hour or so in case he has a concussion and JJ is sleeping so peacefully he almost doesn’t want to. But JJ wakes himself up, Pope’s fingers tangled in his hair. </p>
<p>The second JJ’s eyes land on Pope, he flies across the room, falling off the bed. Pope frowns, eyes searching for any sign of what just happened. But JJ is simply sitting in the corner, hugging himself on the other side of their room and Pope notes that he isn’t here right now. He’s somewhere else, reliving a horrible memory and it makes Pope sick to think about how much JJ has gone through. </p>
<p>Pope simply waits for the other to calm down, watching as JJ’s breathing starts to even out, eyes coming into focus only to meet Pope’s again. He watches the emotions flutter across his face, flickering in a way that JJ used to try so hard to hide with the rest of his emotions. It took him a while, but he had opened up to Pope, letting him see those emotions rather than bury them down. Pope had felt honored JJ trusted him enough. </p>
<p>“Shit, sorry,” JJ says and Pope wishes he wouldn’t apologize for feeling, for his trauma. It wasn’t JJ’s fault, never would be, and Pope would never be offended when he pulled away from him. He knows it isn’t him he’s pulling away from, but the memories that flash with certain triggers. </p>
<p>“It’s okay,” Pope settles on and JJ nods. He makes his way tentatively to the bed, face battered and bruised in a way that reminds Pope so much about the days when JJ’s father would hit him. Pope doesn’t let himself focus on it, simply pulls back the covers so JJ can curl up next to him. </p>
<p>“He cornered me once, in my room. It used to be the only safe place in the house, but then he just barged in one day while I was sleeping,” JJ explains. He has his head resting on Pope’s chest, arms tight around his torso securely, like he’s afraid Pope would run away. It makes Pope sad that he still thinks Pope would leave him, still believes in times like these that he doesn’t deserve good things. </p>
<p>Pope doesn’t say anything, simply runs his fingers through JJ’s hair until the other falls back asleep against him. He hopes that JJ will realize that he deserves every good thing in the world one day. </p>
<p>—————————</p>
<p>They study a lot. Well, Pope studies a lot and JJ causes more commotion than Pope would like. He’s gotten used to it though. He can drown out the tapping of JJ’s pen, the thumping of his foot as his leg shakes anxiously. He can even ignore the fingers that so often start to poke at his arm after only a few minutes studying. </p>
<p>He can’t ignore the lips that press against his neck though, JJ leaning so far forward that he’s nearly falling out of his own chair. Pope sighs at the touch, out of both pleasure and annoyance, before he turns his attention to the blond. “I just need a few more minutes,” Pope promises and JJ pouts as he leans back in his chair. He looks like a child that didn’t get his way as he pushes himself back and Pope merely rolls his eyes at the other. </p>
<p>But JJ isn’t appeased so easily. It’s five minutes later when there are fingers dancing over the bare skin of his arm and lips following the trail. He’s much too into his work this time though and the touch startles him, making his push back from the desk, his chair catching on the wooden floor. He falls backwards, a yelp leaving his lips as his head connects with the side of his bed. </p>
<p>“Fuck,” he grumbles, bringing his fingers up to press again the back of his head. It causes pain to shoot through his skull and he frowns before turning his attention back to JJ. </p>
<p>The other looks panicked. Pope can see it in his eyes, wild and a bit worried, his heavy breathing echoing in the small room. Pope reaches forward, wants to hold the other, but his fingers barely brush against JJ’s arm before he pushes himself back, away from Pope. </p>
<p>The movement causes an ache in his heart, jaw clenching as he watches the other. It hurts, watching your boyfriend pull away from him like that, but Pope knows he can’t get upset about it, knows that JJ isn’t in this room with him. He’s in that horrible house with his cruel father. </p>
<p>Pope hates it. He hates how much of an impact JJ’s father still has on his life. JJ hasn’t been back in months, actually it’s almost been a year and a half since he’s even seen his father, but without the help of therapy (expensive and hard to come by on the cut) JJ is healing slowly. He is pulling himself together bit by bit, duck tape holding the pieces together. Pope knows he’ll never get over this completely, knows that the scars will rear their ugly head at times, but Pope can tell JJ’s been working at it, honing techniques to help in situations like this. </p>
<p>Pope waits patiently, watching as JJ calms his breath, fingers moving to tap against his collar bone. JJ’s lips are moving, but there are no words coming out of his mouth. Pope assumes he is working through something. He knows JJ has done some research, tried a few different techniques. This one Pope has seen him use a few times so he assumes it’s helped him cop. </p>
<p>Pope knows the other has come back when JJ blinks, hands dropping from his collar bone and eyes finally focusing on Pope. Pope gives him a worried smile and JJ reaches forward to wrap a hand around Pope’s wrist to pull it away from his head. He reaches forward to inspect the area as he slips across the ground. “Shit, man. I’m sorry,” he apologizes and Pope simply shakes his head. </p>
<p>“I knew you wouldn’t last long. I should have seen it coming,” Pope smiles, head tilting forward as JJ inspects for any damage. He seems satisfied enough to pull his hand away, letting it drop into Pope’s lap. It’s then Pope realizes he’s sort of half sitting on the desk chair and he shifts, pushing it away until his back is resting against the bed. JJ follows suit, leaning his weight into Pope’s side and nabbing his hand to play with his fingers, a habit he picked up even before they started dating. </p>
<p>JJ hums in answer and Pope watches as he works on his breathing. Pope can tell his heart is still pounding, can tell the other is still feeling the after effects of the noise. Pope just wishes he could help him, but he knows that JJ has to work on this himself, will ask Pope for help if he needs it. </p>
<p>“I saw him, ya know, in the door for a second,” JJ says, voice quiet. He isn’t looking at Pope, but he can feel the way his shoulders tense at the memory. “I don’t even remember doing anything. He just slammed my door open, nearly broke the hinges. I honestly don’t remember much after that.”</p>
<p>Pope frowns, pressing his lips to JJ’s forehead. The other is leaning into his chest and Pope can tell his breathing has picked up, works hard to keep his own breathing steady. “I’m sorry you went through that,” Pope whispers after they stay silent. He wishes they would have gotten him out sooner, wishes JJ would have let them take him out sooner, hadn’t brushed it off so easily. Pope doesn’t even pretend to understand though. He is always looking for his father’s love and respect and he doesn’t blame JJ for wanting the same. </p>
<p>“Not your fault,” JJ mumbles. Pope had been expected as such. They’ve had this conversation before and it always ends like this. It doesn’t stop Pope from holding him a little closer, using his free hand to brush through JJ’s hair, something he knows the other enjoys. </p>
<p>They stay like that for a while longer. JJ manages to even out his breathing, breathes coming out at the same rate as Pope’s. He’s the one to pull away after he finds himself settled, obviously feeling better as he raises his head to look at Pope. “Are you done with your homework now?” JJ asks, and the little smirk is pulling up his lips, the one Pope finds himself drawn too. He’s obviously feeling better. </p>
<p>“I’m done, but I’m pretty sure you have more work to do,” Pope answers and JJ simply chuckles at his words, leaning forward to press his lips to Pope’s. </p>
<p>“Later, your parents aren’t home.” And Pope knows what that means as JJ shifts, smile on his lips as they fall to his neck, trailing down to the collar of his shirt before his fingers start to tug the offending article of clothing. Pope simply chuckles, arms going up so JJ can pull the shirt over his head. </p>
<p>—————————</p>
<p>JJ is bored. Pope can tell. The other is tapping his foot impatiently as they go through names, twisting the rings on his fingers anxiously. JJ isn’t supposed to be sitting next to him, but Pope had refused to move, insisted they need to be in order, but JJ simply ignored him and pushed his way into a seat that wasn’t his. It leads to a little laugh when he pushes his way out of the row at the call of his name, the only one up as he hurries along. </p>
<p>The principal is wrapping up though, smile on her lips as she asks the graduates to stand. Pope catches a glimpse of Kie and Sarah sitting with his parents, sees John B a few rows behind them, giving them a thumbs up when they glance back. Pope catches a glimpse of JJ, smile wide as he shifts his weight back and forth, listening closely for the final words. </p>
<p>Pope remembers when this wasn’t a sure thing. JJ had always struggled in school, wouldn’t do his work because he couldn’t figure it out. It came to a point he didn’t care about his grades and nearly got himself kicked out of school when showing up for classes. Pope had tried to convince him to study, work with him, but JJ didn’t want any of it, wouldn’t have it. It only turned around when Pope’s parents had sat him down and let him know that it was expected of him to at least try if he wanted a roof over his head. JJ’s attitude quickly turned around. </p>
<p>JJ started doing his work, sitting with Pope for as long as his patients would allow, to try and pull up his grades. Pope would sit with him, when their junior year first started, and go through each lesson. JJ always complained the teachers never taught it well, but Pope managed to figure out how to get JJ to pay attention (and it involved a lot more kissing that Pope would like to admit but it worked). JJ had graduated with a C average and Pope couldn’t be prouder. JJ worked hard for it, really pulled himself together the last two years and it showed. </p>
<p>It made Pope happy to see how excited JJ was about graduation. The other had talked about it for weeks, mentioning off hand that they had graduation in a few weeks or Pope had to be prepared for his speech for graduation (he was valedictorian). That’s what led them to this moment, standing next to each other as the principal congratulated them one last time. </p>
<p>Pope is smiling as caps fly into the air, but he doesn’t throw his, catches JJ mid-throw as he pulls him into the most passionate kiss he can muster. Pope is usually careful about sudden movements, tries to let JJ know that he’s coming, but his excitement has him lunging forward without warning. But JJ doesn’t flinch. He doesn’t fall back from Pope to collect himself for a moment, he simply wraps his arms around Pope’s waist, pulling him closer so they’re pressed together. </p>
<p>JJ is the first to pull away, laugh happy as he presses one, two, three more quick kisses to Pope’s lips before he presses their foreheads together. “Fuck, I love you,” JJ breaths and Pope’s eyes snap open, having closed when JJ returned his kiss. </p>
<p>Pope swallows the lump in his throat. JJ has never said those words. Pope has always known. JJ showed his love in body language and small gestures. It was easy to tell that JJ was in love with him, anyone with eyes could see it according to Kie. That didn’t mean it wasn’t nice to hear the words out loud. </p>
<p>“I love you too,” Pope finally says, leaning forward to connect their lips again. JJ smiles into the kiss, one hand on Pope’s jaw while the other tries to tug him closer. Pope giggles, happy as he runs his fingers through JJ’s blond locks. </p>
<p>“What the hell? You guys can’t wait to grope each other till you get home,” John B calls, laugh on his lips and an arm draped around Sarah’s shoulder. It had been a big deal when he came back and he worked hard to graduate with JJ and Pope rather than a year behind like the school had suggested. </p>
<p>JJ gives him the finger, arm secure over Pope's shoulder as they meet their friends half way. Pope can tell JJ doesn’t want to let go, doesn’t want to lose contact, but each of their friends are pulling them into hugs separately, followed quickly by Pope’s parents. </p>
<p>JJ grabs his hand once the hugs are done, smiling brighter than Pope has ever seen. “I’m so proud of you,” Pope’s mother says, placing a kiss on his cheek. She turns to JJ, “Both of you.” JJ blushes when she presses a kiss to his cheek as well.</p>
<p>“Thanks,” he mumbles. Pope squeezes his hand. “For everything.” </p>
<p>Pope presses a kiss to his cheek, eyes meeting JJ’s as he pulls away. They simply look at each other for a second, smiles wide and filled with so much love. There is so much exchanged in that one look and Pope can’t help the way his heart swells with so much happiness, more than he ever thought possible.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm taking requests on my <a href="https://playitaagain.tumblr.com/post/620182677578039296/im-going-to-open-requests-for-mayward-i-recently">tumblr</a>. Feel free to drop by and talk about these two love birds.</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>